An early loss is still a loss

A few years ago, we had an early miscarriage. I think what people don’t realise is how common it is. Up to one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, most of them early, and usually there’s nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.

But even knowing that, it still hurts. At first I was frustrated. Then the frustration turned into shame, which I know doesn’t really make sense, but that’s how it felt. I kept asking myself what I had done wrong, even though the answer was nothing.

I also wish people understood that an early loss is still a loss. Even if it was only a few weeks, you had already started to imagine a future. You were already a mother in your heart. It’s okay to grieve that, and nobody gets to decide how big or small your pain should be.

You were already a mother in your heart.

What helped me most was talking to other women who had been through the same thing. With them I didn’t have to explain anything. They just knew. Hearing their stories made the shame feel lighter, and I slowly stopped feeling like something was wrong with me. That’s when I realised how powerful it is when women share these experiences openly.

So if you’re going through this right now, I want you to know that it is not your fault. Your body did not fail you, and you did not fail anyone. Let yourself grieve in your own way and in your own time. Some days will feel okay and some days will hit you out of nowhere, and both are normal.

Please take care of yourself. Rest, eat properly, move your body when you feel ready, and do the little things that bring you comfort. You deserve the same care you would give a friend.

Don’t be afraid to talk to someone. Therapy can really help you work through feelings that are hard to put into words, and asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Reach out to other women who have been there too. You’ll be surprised how many have, and how much lighter it feels to be understood.

And be gentle with your hope. It’s okay to feel scared about the future, and it’s okay to still dream. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to carry it with a little more softness.

You are stronger than you feel right now, and you are not alone.

Thank you for creating space for stories like this. If it helps even one woman feel seen, then it was worth sharing.