Preparing to become a dad isn’t only about preparing for a baby

Before becoming a dad, I wish someone had told me that nothing about pregnancy and childbirth is truly predictable.

Anything can happen during childbirth, and I wish I had understood just how important it was to prepare myself. Not just for the arrival of our baby, but for the decisions I might need to make, the questions I should ask, and how to advocate for my partner if she needed me to.

I wish someone had sat me down and told me, “This is going to be incredibly hard on your partner, and it’s going to change your life forever.”

Because becoming a father doesn’t just change your personal life. It changes everything, including how you think about work, your responsibilities and the kind of partner you want to be.

When you’re spending hours away from home working, how are you going to support your partner? How are you going to be there for your child?

These were questions I wish I’d asked myself much earlier.

I also wish someone had helped me understand what my partner would go through. The physical and emotional demands of childbirth and postpartum recovery are enormous. And when your partner is exhausted, sleep-deprived and trying to navigate an entirely new reality while caring for a baby, you can’t expect her to have all the answers.

As a dad, you have to take responsibility too.

Looking back, I wish there had been moments during our antenatal appointments when someone had turned to me and asked, “What are you doing to prepare, Dad?”

“What are you doing to prepare, Dad?”

Not because it was the healthcare professional’s responsibility to prepare me, but because that one question might have made me stop and think. It might have encouraged me to ask more questions, learn more and understand the role I was about to step into.

Thankfully, I had a great network of people around me, including other dads I could talk to and learn from. Having that support made a difference.

But one of my biggest regrets is that I’ve read more books about pregnancy and postpartum life since becoming a dad than I ever did while my wife was pregnant.

I wish I’d had that knowledge beforehand.

And yet, there’s something else I wish someone had told me.

That becoming a father would also be the greatest thing I would ever do.

That I would experience a kind of love I couldn’t possibly have imagined before.

And that, no matter how difficult things became, I would find something within myself that made me want to keep growing.

To become a better provider. A better partner. Someone my wife could confide in.

And to become the kind of dad I didn’t have myself.

Fatherhood has challenged me in ways I never expected. But it has also given me a reason to keep becoming a better version of myself.

I just wish I’d understood earlier that preparing to become a dad isn’t only about preparing for a baby.

It’s about preparing to show up for your partner, your child and the life you’re about to build together.